Can i really feel bad about only going home to see my parents once in the past 3 months? When I see my brothers return to their own household more often it gets me thinking will my parents start to be concerned that I won't ever want to come home. For some reason I find an excuse to fill the want to return to the homeland when truly i'd kill for some home-cooked meal or a nice conversation on the back patio. I count down to the "big breaks" on my fridge ,and thrive to see my broski's from a differnt city, and yet I won't find my own time to visit the ones that are closer. For now only twitter and facebook keep my connected to the ones i'd do anything for. It seems i'm home sick for the old ways, but will not do anything about it. Is it because i enjoy the college football tailgating afternoon of freshly blazed burgers, or the fresh smell of a colbeer on the rocks before the big game? No one can really fathom what the reasons are things just change and when one person told me that "Everyone changes in college" I failed to listen ,failed to believe because i don't want to think that things will, but obviously it has.
Things will never stay the same it's simple everyone can picture their own glory days whenever that may have been, and want to stay their, but no one can live it forever. It's an impossible thing to do. It all lays on myself seeing what I want to do with my life, be with my friends or strive harders to fulfill my long desired dreams and make new friends ultimately setting myself up for change. Life is change. Adjustments to the everyday life is the key to everything, but maybe if I had a core of people to lean on I could take change a lot better than now. Same mundane experience for the JUCO scholar ,same people, 30-40 per class. Is this worth what I want for the future? I'd love to think so, but can I attack my future from another point of view? I want to be with the people that helped through so much before and lean on them for support not just through the endless computer screen, and text messages. It'll fall into place.
This was a great read for me tonight, Clark. Believe it or not, I definitely needed it. It's obviously somewhat of a different experience for me being so far from home and not having that opportunity to go home, to lean on you guys tangibly for support and sense of purpose. It forces you to react, think, and fight like you never have before. I've been forced to become autonomous, independent, and stretch outside of my comfort zones of being an introvert. I think about you guys back home everyday, and how much easier it would be to stay motivated and focused on the task at hand with that kind of positive support and love, but I have a feeling that it was meant to be this way. We'll all find our way back eventually, we just have to find our own self first
ReplyDeleteYessir very well said man, i bet reading this from your position is prolly a lot harder to think about seeing that i have the oppurtunity to go home and do whatever whenever and you can't do that until certain times so you kinda have to make yourself do it... I on the other hand don't have to be in this position i just am... I bet you've seen your Dad more than I have by far because he comes up for the games I need to go home man ;)
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